Valentine Sharing

She explained that the part of ourselves with wings sometimes battles with our earthbound selves

I have gone missing for a few months. The deal is, Sometimes we just like to dream, plan and think creatively, but sometimes life has its unexpected twists and things take you where you need to go. Sometimes we get extremely excited and think something may be perfect, to realize that it isn't quite the right fit - it is only a chapter in our life and an experience to learn from and grow more. 

Steve Jobs says it best 

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Months ago I made a blog post about something very personal. As I've let that post weigh me down a bit and times I have thought about my blog and having many ideas of posts, I felt like that post really changed the direction of my blog and made me unsure of what I was doing. The post made me unsure of where to go next. But also, it made me feel vulnerable. I felt like it was a topic in which I really wanted to speak out about in some way, but through a blog post to random people, and being VERY detailed, led me unsure of what people would think or maybe be afraid of reading it, or knowing such a thing about me. I also was unsure of younger people possibly reading it. Or the fact that people don't really know my blog, but the few random people to venture this way would be shocked or feel sorry for me. When the last thing that anyone needs to do is feel sorry. 

But a few days ago a friend randomly sent me a message saying that she was reading my blog and reading a very serious post and in tears. She told me that she was amazed by how strong I am and said "I swear, I still think about what you overcame, so often. It's so amazing that you are the person you are right now". She shared the post with a guy friend that read it, whom was also amazed and touched. They said that I should really publish it. After chatting with her, I realized that she had her own struggles, and the story really made her think about the issues that are out there, these experiences that SO MANY people experience, and also the root of these problems and where they begin. After realizing that this one story, just me telling my story, my existence and sharing myself, can make someone think so much, made me realize that - Even if a blog post isn't the best way to reach people, even though I felt a little weird first posting it, even if the only people I have touched are TWO people, than that is enough to feel like I have accomplished something. Touching even two people means the world. Touching two people, and making a slight difference is better than doing nothing. 

Aside from this topic, I have also been holding off on blog posting, which I think of as a "project", because I decided to do something for myself. After graduating from college, I stuck in a college town for a few years after. As I was ready to grow up in a sense and move on, this small college town held me down. But not only that, but my hardest life experiences in which I have had thus far in my life, occurred in this college town. So as much as I grew and overcame things, the ties and the triggers that I still had that allowed me to still hold onto the past, were something I needed to step away from. I was ready for a move. I didn't move far, but I have now realized that moving to a different town was the best thing I could have possibly done. I moved 4 months ago to a town which is a bit bigger, with more people that are creative and business driven, and more of a music scene. It is amazing how much I have been able to let go now, and instead of letting past pain drag me down, I am doing much better at looking only ahead. I am living a pretty drama free life these days. Enjoying working, coming home to my dog, relaxing, and thinking creatively. This town has more of an opportunity for growth in pastry and cake design. There are more bakeries that have been going longer and surviving, and also more people, so it is a good place to be and there is more opportunity than in a small college town that just didn't seem to have the right market. Before moving, I learned somethings about running a business and even personal encounters, in which I realized the type of people I care to surround myself by on a day to day bases, and also the type of people it takes in order to make something work. One cannot kick over the beehive, when they want honey. Being said, I am extremely happy to be working where I am right now and happy to be part of a successful, smart team. I feel a little anxious to be working more on my own projects, my own style of baking, and what is important to me/my own unique creativity/own learning. But I believe that sometimes the part of us with wings, sometimes has to battle with our earthbound selves. Sometimes the part of us with such joy and passion, has to deal with personal growth. And I have needed time to get myself where I am today, and over a matter of time, I will continue my personal creativity. 

And so from these experiences, I realize that looking back, my dots connect and really they all add up to create the person I am, the person I care to be and a stronger/more knowledgable me in order to be a better me personally and career wise. I have learned many things in the past few years, teaching me how I care to help make the world a better place, help me be more aware of issues with why there is so much hate and harm in the world (the root of these problems), that I do not know everything about running a business and about baking but I am lucky to have gone through experiences to help me grow and understand more so. I am glad to have had certain experiences that have helped me understand people better. To have learned: How to notice things and realize the person I want to be, how I care to treat people, to learn the way I should be treated, and the things I wish to help and make others more aware of. I am glad to realize that it is okay to open up and talk about emotions and serious matters. I am glad to have experiences that have helped me with personal growth in every aspect of my life. I have had to make a lot of personal discovery over the years and I truly believe that we in a way are handed things in order to realize our weaknesses, make us stronger, and challenge us in order to create good out of the bad. One must have a good attitude in order to make the world better. It is the last freedom we have in a bad situation, choosing the right attitude, in order to make things better. It is important to not put others down or treat others poorly because of our own pain. I guess the golden rule always applies "Treat people the way you want to be treated." So I am so happy to be where I am at right now and live a calmer life. To have experienced and now made a move to let go even more. To understand and realize that "don't dwell on the past" maybe isn't the cruelest thing that someone could possible ever say.. but it is the one thing that will let you go. Unfortunately everyone needs to take their time to grieve and deal with life issues in their own way, but eventually you have to realize that continuing to hold on, holds you back from living. So with my move to a new town, a new atmosphere, new people, more things to do and experience, I look forward to this new year and a fresh start! Happy 2013 ... a bit late :)

Candied Pecan Biscotti's

Kids Birthday Ideas

Having a kids birthday?
This site has some really neat themes! Just adorable and beautiful.
http://www.rattleandmum.co.za/2012/06/19/the-best-kids-birthday-party-themes/

I am trying to plan cake and decorating ideas for my nieces 1st birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. She will be in town from Madison, WI. I am so excited!

Sometimes I draw on my fridge.

Rumchata Cupcakes

Rumchata Cupcakes for a Bachelorette Outing. In my opinion, Rumchata makes way better cupcakes than a drink! Rumchata shots taste exactly like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Waaaay too sweet for me! And that cream, Heartburn in a shot. ICK! But that bit of a rum taste, sweetness, and cinnamon make a great little cupcake!

And.. I get by with a little help from my friends. A Stella while in the kitchen, and a pretty apron on.. makes me feel 100percent bliss. That and some good tunes on the record player like Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Emmy Lou or Linda Ronstadt. Or .. secretly some Fleetwood Mac. These are the best baking, running, jumping around the house tunes :) It makes me feel amazing.

Lady Fingers for Tiramisu

The first time that I ever made Lady Fingers was quite an experience. They are not easy. The first time around making them I had to make Tiramisu for the first time to serve about 200 people, So.. my nerves got to me a bit. And lets just say, Lady Finger batter is a pain in the butttttt I learned! And frustration, and a HOT kitchen will not do these delicate cookies good! But that was almost a year ago. This time around, they went extremely smooth. I made several dozen though and it is best to do small batches at a time, or if the batter gets to heavy it will kill it. Lady Finger batter is very different than cake batter, Gobs (Whoopie Pies), or etc. You must beat the egg whites and yolk mixtures separately and then very very gently FOLD the two together. Just ONE heavy hand move and it can kill your entire batter. It will just flatten it and you will have completely flat cookies. The batter is whipped heavily and folded together to create a very light, foamy, airy consistency. And it needs to keep that way in order to put the batter in a piping bag and pipe your fingers. 

Here are some Tips I have learned:

1. Don't work in a really warm atmosphere, it will flatten your Lady Finger batter too quickly.

2. Fold very gently, moving your hand in about 10 second moves. Ladyfinger batter is very fragile so it is very important to fold the flour and yolks carefully into the meringue so that the whites do not lose their volume.

3. It is generally suggested that cream with 25% fat is best for making mascarpone, but 36% works just as well.

4. Always use the double broiler method for making the thick yolk mixture to add to your mascarpone cheese. Otherwise your yolks will easily cook to fast and you will end up with a curdled mess. (I made many trips to the store to rebuy eggs because I was trying to hurry and ignore this part. And I would rather purchase an actual double broiler pan). 

5. While using the double boiler to make the mascarpone, ensure that the bottom of the bowl on top doesn't touch the bottom of the lower one. It is important to use a stainless steel bowl to pour your cream into, while making the mascarpone.

6. It might be a good idea to decide the size of the dish in which you intend to set the dessert, and make the fingers to a size which will fit that dish. This makes it easier when assembling the tiramisu later. Do remember that Lady Fingers puff up a little while baking.

7. Lady Finger cookies may be stored up to 7 days in an airtight container. Work ahead and make them a few days before you need them to save a bit of a hassle. Store in a cool place or in the refrigerator.

8. Make the mascarpone layer the day before so it has time to thicken and you don't have much to worry about the day of assembly. It must at least chill for an hour.

9. Placing the bowl (in which cream will be whipped) and the beaters of the hand held mixer in the fridge for about 1/2 to 1 hour before hand makes the cream whip up very well.

10. Dont dip the Lady Fingers into your coffee/liquor for too long or let them sit, or they will fall apart. Again, they are very soft and delicate. Dipping the cookies only on one side, will allow them to soak up plenty of the liquid and not become TOO soggy or distribute too much liquid in the rest of the cake.

11. If you would like to de-mould your Tiramisu from your dish (cutting can be easier and neater this way, you can line your dish with plastic wrap (leaving a little extra on the sides of the dish) and then start assembling your Tiramisu. Once the tiramisu sets in the refrigerator, you can use the overhang to pull the Tiramisu out of the dish.

12. Making a neat round Tiramisu - you can layer your cake into a springform pan. It may be best to freeze the cake for a few hours aside from refrigerating for up to 5 hours, in order to make sure it keeps its shape. And then.. just pop off the sides of the pan. Place your Lady Fingers around the cake and tie a pretty ribbon around. Not only would this look beautiful, but the ribbon around the cookies also acts as a wall to hold the cake together in its perfect shape. 

13. I love Cacao Nibs sprinkled on top along with cocoa. 

14. Make your Lady Finger batter in single batches at a time. If you are trying to create too much batter, your whites will just have too much pressure when trying to fold the yolks and flour in. Also, it will just be to much batter to try to fold gently and not over mix. 

This site also gives some handy tips for creating a round Tiramisu. http://www.wildyeastblog.com/2010/02/27/raspberry-tiramisu/  They create templates on parchment and pipe large round discs with the Lady Finger batter for the bottom and in-between layers of the cake. Great Idea! Thus, creating pretty much a full mold for the cake with the bottom and sides secure. Looks safe. I will have to try it the next time I make this. As for now, I just laid out the individual cookies as usual.

It is funny how we always keep learning. Which suddenly goes along with the song that I've had in my head all morning "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now". Honestly, I like the Byrds version better. ha. Maybe that's because it reminds me of my father. But it kind of goes along with the thinking of how being in our early 20's or at age 18-19, we seem to think we know a lot and are so wise. But we eventually realize that there is so much more in the world to know about, or that it is actually exciting to keep learning and its okay to have to keep learning. And it is exciting to look at life Dreaming, full of wonder and curiosity, and have an opened mind - not a closed mind. 
Or maybe I wonder if this song makes me feel like when we are in our 20's, we do so much planning and worrying, and being so serious - or maybe that is just me. Because A lot of people my age don't seem to have a problem being more laid back and free spirited. But when we get older, we somewhat go back to being young and realize we just need to LIVE and not plan so much. So we have that more free spirit. 

But the view of a child is still a part of me, being a constant dreamer and full of curiosity. It's what is needed to be creative.