Valentine Sharing

She explained that the part of ourselves with wings sometimes battles with our earthbound selves

I have gone missing for a few months. The deal is, Sometimes we just like to dream, plan and think creatively, but sometimes life has its unexpected twists and things take you where you need to go. Sometimes we get extremely excited and think something may be perfect, to realize that it isn't quite the right fit - it is only a chapter in our life and an experience to learn from and grow more. 

Steve Jobs says it best 

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Months ago I made a blog post about something very personal. As I've let that post weigh me down a bit and times I have thought about my blog and having many ideas of posts, I felt like that post really changed the direction of my blog and made me unsure of what I was doing. The post made me unsure of where to go next. But also, it made me feel vulnerable. I felt like it was a topic in which I really wanted to speak out about in some way, but through a blog post to random people, and being VERY detailed, led me unsure of what people would think or maybe be afraid of reading it, or knowing such a thing about me. I also was unsure of younger people possibly reading it. Or the fact that people don't really know my blog, but the few random people to venture this way would be shocked or feel sorry for me. When the last thing that anyone needs to do is feel sorry. 

But a few days ago a friend randomly sent me a message saying that she was reading my blog and reading a very serious post and in tears. She told me that she was amazed by how strong I am and said "I swear, I still think about what you overcame, so often. It's so amazing that you are the person you are right now". She shared the post with a guy friend that read it, whom was also amazed and touched. They said that I should really publish it. After chatting with her, I realized that she had her own struggles, and the story really made her think about the issues that are out there, these experiences that SO MANY people experience, and also the root of these problems and where they begin. After realizing that this one story, just me telling my story, my existence and sharing myself, can make someone think so much, made me realize that - Even if a blog post isn't the best way to reach people, even though I felt a little weird first posting it, even if the only people I have touched are TWO people, than that is enough to feel like I have accomplished something. Touching even two people means the world. Touching two people, and making a slight difference is better than doing nothing. 

Aside from this topic, I have also been holding off on blog posting, which I think of as a "project", because I decided to do something for myself. After graduating from college, I stuck in a college town for a few years after. As I was ready to grow up in a sense and move on, this small college town held me down. But not only that, but my hardest life experiences in which I have had thus far in my life, occurred in this college town. So as much as I grew and overcame things, the ties and the triggers that I still had that allowed me to still hold onto the past, were something I needed to step away from. I was ready for a move. I didn't move far, but I have now realized that moving to a different town was the best thing I could have possibly done. I moved 4 months ago to a town which is a bit bigger, with more people that are creative and business driven, and more of a music scene. It is amazing how much I have been able to let go now, and instead of letting past pain drag me down, I am doing much better at looking only ahead. I am living a pretty drama free life these days. Enjoying working, coming home to my dog, relaxing, and thinking creatively. This town has more of an opportunity for growth in pastry and cake design. There are more bakeries that have been going longer and surviving, and also more people, so it is a good place to be and there is more opportunity than in a small college town that just didn't seem to have the right market. Before moving, I learned somethings about running a business and even personal encounters, in which I realized the type of people I care to surround myself by on a day to day bases, and also the type of people it takes in order to make something work. One cannot kick over the beehive, when they want honey. Being said, I am extremely happy to be working where I am right now and happy to be part of a successful, smart team. I feel a little anxious to be working more on my own projects, my own style of baking, and what is important to me/my own unique creativity/own learning. But I believe that sometimes the part of us with wings, sometimes has to battle with our earthbound selves. Sometimes the part of us with such joy and passion, has to deal with personal growth. And I have needed time to get myself where I am today, and over a matter of time, I will continue my personal creativity. 

And so from these experiences, I realize that looking back, my dots connect and really they all add up to create the person I am, the person I care to be and a stronger/more knowledgable me in order to be a better me personally and career wise. I have learned many things in the past few years, teaching me how I care to help make the world a better place, help me be more aware of issues with why there is so much hate and harm in the world (the root of these problems), that I do not know everything about running a business and about baking but I am lucky to have gone through experiences to help me grow and understand more so. I am glad to have had certain experiences that have helped me understand people better. To have learned: How to notice things and realize the person I want to be, how I care to treat people, to learn the way I should be treated, and the things I wish to help and make others more aware of. I am glad to realize that it is okay to open up and talk about emotions and serious matters. I am glad to have experiences that have helped me with personal growth in every aspect of my life. I have had to make a lot of personal discovery over the years and I truly believe that we in a way are handed things in order to realize our weaknesses, make us stronger, and challenge us in order to create good out of the bad. One must have a good attitude in order to make the world better. It is the last freedom we have in a bad situation, choosing the right attitude, in order to make things better. It is important to not put others down or treat others poorly because of our own pain. I guess the golden rule always applies "Treat people the way you want to be treated." So I am so happy to be where I am at right now and live a calmer life. To have experienced and now made a move to let go even more. To understand and realize that "don't dwell on the past" maybe isn't the cruelest thing that someone could possible ever say.. but it is the one thing that will let you go. Unfortunately everyone needs to take their time to grieve and deal with life issues in their own way, but eventually you have to realize that continuing to hold on, holds you back from living. So with my move to a new town, a new atmosphere, new people, more things to do and experience, I look forward to this new year and a fresh start! Happy 2013 ... a bit late :)